Tis almost the season. Where you stuff yourself full of Christmas dinner. You eat more chocolate than you thought humanly possible. And you gleefully tear into the presents laid before you. Just like Jesus did when he was born for our sins in the Bible… or something along those lines.
So, in the spirit of giving, here are 5 gifts that you should totally pressure someone into giving you this holiday. Though each has a hefty dose of sarcasm hidden within the description. To highlight our addiction to the capitalist consumer condition… or something like that. I don’t know. It’s pretty discreet, though, because I’m a talented writer (see?).
A personalised Xbox controller
Nothing says “I love you” like an Xbox controller that’s a slightly different shade of black. But that’s just a pipe dream, right? WRONG. Now you can create your own Xbox One controller in any design you could possibly imagine. Provided that your imagination is limited to the tight design boundaries set by Microsoft’s Design Lab.
Minecraft light-up torch
Your friends will be so jealous when they see you sporting this Minecraft light-up torch. Darkness will be a thing of the past now that you can light it with light. Place it on a wall. Hold it in your hand. Store it in a chest. The possibilities are nowhere near endless.
NES Classic Mini
Remember when years of console evolution passed? Plus more powerful game engines. Fancy three dimensional graphics. And the choice to play more than 30 games on one machine? It sucked, right? Well now you can re-live the heyday of rubbish graphics, unresponsive games and a lack of choice with the NES Classic Mini. But hurry, stocks are low for some reason because they didn’t make enough. Go figure.
Pokémon have recently released a new expansion for the Pokémon Trading Card game. It’s a re-release of the original cards. Nostalgia, here we come. Has your significant other always wanted to re-live his boyhood dream, by owning a certain Pokémon card? Let’s just say that, for arguments sake, that certain Pokémon card was a holo Charizard. And that, as a plausible scenario, he saw that you could buy said Pokémon card online for like £30? Sarah. Are you even reading this?
Assassin’s Creed hidden blade
If there’s one thing that’s wrong with today’s society, it’s the lack of concealed wrist blades. Accidentally stabbing yourself with your knives will be a thing of the past with the handy faux hidden blade. Who needs to hold a knife with your hand, when you can hold one with your wrist! Surprise all of your friends with a classic Assassin’s Creed back-stab, in a crowded area, this holiday.
Disc Dot gaming gift
I’m sure that, over the years, you’ve built up quite the collection of discs. Well, now that digital downloads are crippling the physical market, why not celebrate outdated tech by plastering them to your wall?!
Special mention too…
Bring out your inner Jedi, or Sith Lord, with this awesome combat Lightsaber. You’ll be the talk of the Dagobah System, or at the very least, your street, as you wield your Lighsaber with glee. Plus, if you spend a little extra, you can hit people with it without fear of it breaking!