I’ve read a lot of articles about the Xbox One, over the past few years. I’ve also written a few myself, having owned the machine since its release. It’s been a love hate relationship, that’s for sure. But, having played on both an Xbox One and a PS4, I thought that I’d write this totally unbiased, completely useful list of 15 reasons as to why the Xbox One is quite literally the best thing that’s ever existed. And if you say otherwise you’re wrong and I hate you because my views are right because I bought this console with my money now I’m covering my ears so that I can’t hear you. Are you gone yet?
1) It can play games
Unlike lots of objects that you can buy, the Xbox One can play games. A toaster? That can’t play games. A vacuum cleaner? Nope, that can’t play games either. The Xbox One? Not a chance. Wait. No. The opposite.
2) The controller can be white or black, mostly, and soon to be any colour you want it to be
For my birthday, my brother bought me that white Xbox One controller. You know, the one that’s white instead of black? You got it. Since E3, though, Microsoft have only gone and announced that you can now have an Xbox One controller that’s literally any colour or design that you could possibly imagine*.
3) It’s shiny
My Xbox One is incredibly shiny. So shiny, in fact, that I’ll dust it and it’ll be covered in dust again, three or four seconds later. Now that’s shiny… or static… I forget the difference.
4) It’s the best Xbox so far
Out of all the Xboxs, this Xbox is technically the best. Sure, it might not actually be as good as the 360. But, technically, it is superior – plus also now I can play some of my old 360 games on it so it’s like nothing’s changed.
5) They listen to the fans
Microsoft do a great job of messing something up and then making us feel special whilst they use us as guinea pigs to fix the issues they’ve created. I’ve been a Preview guinea pig for almost two years now. I must admit that it’s great to see how the console should have initially been, slightly earlier than everyone else.
6) It’s gigantic
Bigger is always better. So, whilst the PS4 might have slightly crushed the Xbox One in this generation’s battle for console sales, at least the Xbox One can literally crush the PS4.
7) There’s a whole 250GB worth of storage
If, like me, you purchased the original Xbox One, you’ll have noticed that you have a whole 250GB worth of storage available to you. That’s amazing for holding about five games, because each game is like 50GBs in size. My second favourite thing about it is when you need to install a new game and you have to make a choice between all of your current games to see which one gets the chop to make some room. OR when a game you’re really enjoying needs an update and is unplayable until you’ve deleted something else on the harddrive.
8) The Kinect
My Kinect is broken, so I don’t really have much to put here.
9) Project Spark
Do you remember when Project Spark was a thing and literally everyone was jizzing their pants with excitement (including me?). Me too! Though I’m not really sure what happened with that… it just seems to have disappeared, like Project Milo on the 360.
10) Is it hot in here?
Of course it is, I’m writing this sat next to my Xbox One’s power pack and it’s slowly cooking me.
11) It eats your discs
The Xbox One can do so many awesome things including, but not limited to, eating your discs. Mine got so hungry that it ate my copy of FIFA 15 and refused to spit it out. I tried literally everything but it wouldn’t give it back. Thankfully, it was still in warranty so I sent it to Microsoft to be repaired. They told me, before I sent it, that they’d return my disc with the console. It turns out that person was lying, because in fact it’s company policy that if an Xbox One eats a disc, the Xbox One has claimed ownership and it won’t give it back – like a possessive dog. So, in the end, they offered me a month’s worth of FREE Xbox Live instead of a replacement for my £50 video-game. I. Was. Ecstatic.
12) Games with Gold
There’s nothing I love more than free games. Even if 60% of the time I’ve already purchased that free game a year prior. Or that 30% of the time the game sucks dick. So that’s a whole 10% of the time where I enjoy a new experience FOR FREE*.
*RRP £40 per year for an Xbox Live Gold subscription.
13) I’m running out of things to put here
Sometimes, when you start something and it doesn’t quite come out exactly how you said / imagined it would, it might be sensible to stop and re-asses. But, taking a leaf out of the book of my favourite console manufacturers, I’ll instead just release this list and then wait a couple of years to release a more expensive upgraded version of the list which does everything that I said this original list would do (plus a couple of extra bits). But it’s ok because I’ll just name it after a cool Mortal Kombat character and nobody will notice.
14) X is way higher in the alphabet than its competitors
If you want to judge the worth of something, you should look straight at its alphabetical ranking. Shove it in an alphabatised list, and the Xbox One comes out on top. PlayStation – that’s only 16th highest.
15) Party chat
Being able to talk to your friends in the confines of an Xbox One party is a great thing. My favourite bit is where you can’t hear the other people in your Party, so you check in the Party and see that you’ve lost connection. Or that other people’s blue circle is highlighted to signify that they’re speaking (and can probably hear you) but you can’t hear them. Classic! It’s also super awesome that if you then unplug your mic and plug it back in again, you’ll be able to hear everyone once more. Because that makes sense.
OK. OK. So that was all a little bit of fun (though some of the issues I’ve mentioned above are actual problems that I’ve had with my console). I love my Xbox One, I really do. But all of these people chatting about how the Xbox One is the best console need to take a chill-pill. Yes, the Xbox One is a great console – as is the PS4. PCs are awesome too, and the WiiU also exists. So why can’t we just put our differences aside and be happy for each other that we’re enjoying our own gaming experiences?